remember: i live in an abundance of love!

lack; it keeps me on a search for a mirage of affection, pleasant only in thought

it is not affection that satisfies but a blood-stained cross that fulfills

I still find myself trying to reach for an elusive standard of “self” that is at the very least, satisfactory. But that is not what You want of me, and I’m still trying to accept that. “Unconditional” is a hard concept to understand.

 

 

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9am Philo class should be renamed to Ecclesiastes… meaningless…….

Sat for an hour and 40mins in class listening to a class discussion on the various possibilities of what knowledge encapsulates. Everyone seemed to feel increasingly uncertain about what they initially believed to be “knowledge” and “truth”. It calls to memory smth I heard:

“For instance, I loved my Wife and children, but I was determined to regard this love as merely a subjective preference without a real and objective value! Think what this did my ability to love them! After all, love is a commitment of the will to the true good of another person; and how can one’s will be committed to the true good of another person if he denies the reality of good, denies the reality of persons and denies that his commitments are in any sense in his control?”

Can totes feel the frustrations of the person who seeks to live objectively (with no such confidence in it). 

But living confidently is possible:

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. (Prov 3:5)

Am starting to understanding why this verse is situated in the book of Wisdom. 

“Closing Sohrab’s door, I wondered if that was how forgiveness budded, not with the fanfare of epiphany, but with pain gathering its things, packing up, and slipping away unannounced in the middle of the night.” (Khaled Hosseini)

resolution: when the ghost of his past was no longer found at the foot of his bed at night waiting to retell him his sins.

Surely goodness and mercy
Follow me forever
Good shepherd
You have led me through the fire
Though the water

Surely goodness and mercy
Follow me forever
Good shepherd
You have led me through the fire
Through the water

And I will not fight
The fire that refines my own
Oh and I will not despise
The time it takes for love to abide in me

Surely these boundaries are forming beauty within me
Though painful when I’m dreadful
It’s so worth it to look like you

And I will not fight
The fire that refines my own
And I will not despise
The time it takes for love to abide in me

Who am I to lead myself
When I’ve come to know that you’re already leading me

Who am I to lead myself